Monday, 2 January 2012

Growth through fustration

Its been a while since I last wrote something. And my life has taken many turns since. Iv moved across the country and worked some pretty rough jobs. Had my heart broken and moved home at word of the military accepting me. I start basic in Feb. But this isnt about my life or the reason i am writing again.

To me growth is experiencing and learning through the good times and bad.

Right now is a time of fustration. Being put aside like i have by everyone else. I cant pretend i am a saint. OR i dont do anything wrong.. But i gotta deserve better then this. This is just wrong. I know i have commitment problems. Because of reasons like im feeeling now. Yet again someone i care about assumed i have no feelings for them and set me aside for someone who has already hurt them. And now wont even take the time to replying to me because they are to 'busy'. But i always seem to be able to make time for them regardless of what im doing or where i am to help them. When shit hits the fan, Im the one fixing their problems. Making it all better. To be told how great I am, to watch them leave again.

I dont know, :/ . I guess im just sour with people. I always give people a chance, regardless of what i hear.

I just dont feel like i fit in anywhere. Havent found my place. And i keep moving and trying new things. But im really happy with the good friends I have. We might not talk EVERY SECOND. But i know who is there for me when i really need someone to talk too. Some are across the country. And Ill always be grateful for them being good friends. Ryan and Bri. Clarke is my friend close by. We have been through alot together, all the way back to grade 2. I am 19 and we are currently joining the military together. Its like a dream both of us going together.

I just dont know what to do at this point. I know to focus on me, my life. Where im going. But you know. I still feel empty.. I am just at a lost of words. Raw emotion just seems to be eating at me. And i got nothing I can do about it. I really hope i find an answer soon. I am wearing down. And slowly being ripped emotionally. But as one of the people i look up to said. Its better to burn out then fade away.

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